Perfectly Broken Read online

  She laughed and shook her head. “You are crazy. I was just speaking hypothetically.”

  “Oh, no you don’t. You can’t back out on me now.” Jack grinned, looking very much like a naughty little boy, and Cassie was tired of being mature and responsible. She wanted to play in the fountain.

  Jack was surprised when she kicked off her shoes and grabbed his hand, but he recovered quickly. The water was much colder against the sensitive skin on Cassie’s feet than it had been on her hand and the shock of it sent a thrilling shiver up her spine. It only occurred to her later that the water hadn’t really been that cold and that it more likely had been the feeling of Jack’s hand around hers that had excited Cassie. But at that moment, she was still oblivious to the budding feelings that had been developing in the deepest corners of her body.

  “This is crazy,” Cassie said, tilting her head to see Jack’s face. He was still smiling, and her hand was still entwined in his. The water came up to her knees and she kicked it playfully, spraying Jack. He returned the favor and soon they were both drenched.

  She didn’t think either of them planned it, and Cassie knew neither of them suggested it, but soon they were dancing in the fountain, Jack spinning and twirling her like they were in the middle of a dance floor. Cassie laughed at something Jack said about his “amazing” dance moves and her foot slipped on the slippery stone. Jack’s reflexes were quick, his arm whipping around her waist to catch her before she could fall into the water.

  They stood there for a long time, Cassie’s body pressed close against him, neither of them moving except for the hurried breaths that shook their chests. It was in that moment, as Cassie stared into his eyes, that she realized she loved Jack. She loved him for the quiet but persistent way he forced her to keep living her life and for the way he looked at Cassie like he didn’t see her scars, both the physical and the emotional. She loved him for dancing with her in that fountain and for making her laugh. But most of all, Cassie loved him because he was the best person she had ever known- smart, funny, selfless, and kind-hearted. He was everything she had ever wanted, and Cassie couldn’t have him.

  So she was the one that pushed away, climbing from the fountain and shivering. She didn’t even feel the cold. The raw emotion running through her body shook Cassie all the way to the core. For the next four months, she was able to keep those feelings pushed as deep inside of her as they could go. Any time she felt them resurfacing, she shoved them back down. But then one day, Jack and Cassie were hanging out in her apartment watching a movie on television and she glanced at him, just in time to catch him watching her. It was just for a second, one flash of feeling in his eyes, but that was all Cassie needed to see to realize that Jack might be developing feelings for her, too. That was when Cassie decided that she had to leave town. She was a sinking ship, a preverbal Titanic, and she refused to take Jack down with her.

  Cassie knew that she had hurt Jack when she left. In those months they spent together, they had become each other’s best friend. Jack had been the only person she trusted and in many ways, he was the only reason Cassie had survived at all. But Jack was also broken, and Cassie hadn’t been strong enough to put him back together while also fixing herself. He was still recovering from his divorce, and he was still struggling with his dependence on alcohol. Cassie decided it was best to leave and let Jack focus on himself for a while. But that didn’t mean it had been an easy transition for Cassie. She had missed him every single day.

  “You look good, Cass. Really good.” Jack’s eyes masked any hurt or pain he may have been carrying around. The look he gave her was pure and genuine. “You have no idea what a relief it is to see you doing so much better.”

  “I feel safer out here,” she confessed. It had taken her a long time to admit that she was letting fear control her life. In many ways, she was still being held captive. “In the city, everything was so intense. I was never able to really let down my guard, not even when I was with you.”

  Cassie glanced at Jack to see how he would react. She had often told him that she felt safer with him around and that was true. But it was also true that she had never really let him in, never let him know how truly vulnerable she felt at all times. After what she had been through, Cassie wasn’t sure she would ever be able to expose herself to anyone.

  Jack studied his empty beer bottle for a minute. “Cass, what you went through–”

  She squeezed his hand to stop him from finishing. “Don’t,” Cassie pleaded. “I don’t want to talk about that, Jack.”

  “What do you want to talk about, Cassie? You didn’t call me up here after three months of radio silence just to talk about the weather.”

  I called you because I missed you and I wanted to see you. I wanted to hear your laugh and look into your eyes again. I need you in my life, Jack. That was what Cassie was thinking, but it wasn’t what she said out loud. “Do you know what tomorrow is?” she asked instead.

  Jack frowned. “Of course. How could I forget that?”

  She hadn’t seriously thought that Jack wouldn’t remember. That day, exactly one year ago, had changed both of their lives forever. “He’s still out there,” she said softly.

  Part of her couldn’t believe that it had only been a year. She worked so hard to push it from her mind that sometimes she could convince herself that it had never happened. But then a sound or a smell would trigger the buried memories and it would rush back, just as brutal as if it had happened yesterday.

  “I’ve tried so hard to move on, but just knowing that he is still out there…”

  “I know, Cass. I know.” Jack’s hand tightened around hers. A few days after Jack found Cassie, he swore to her that he would find the man responsible. 350 days later, Jack was still trying to keep his promise to her. “I will find him. It’s the only thing I think about most days.”

  She was instantly sorry that she had said anything about it at all. Cassie knew how badly Jack was tormented by the case. “I didn’t ask you to come to talk about that,” she said.

  “You never answered my question. Why did you invite me out here?” Jack forced a weak smile.

  Cassie didn’t answer right away. Looking at Jack, sitting so close to him that she could smell his cologne, everything came rushing back to her. His dark hair rustled in the breeze and his blue eyes were brighter than the summer sky when he smiled at her. Jack never knew the real reason she left town. She had told him that she needed to get away, that she didn’t feel safe there anymore, and that was true. But an even larger reason she had decided to leave was because she had fallen completely for Jack.

  She pulled her hand away and stood. “I invited you to my house so I can make you dinner and we can catch up.” Her smile was as shaky as her voice. “Come inside and I’ll get you another beer.”

  Two hours and three beers later, she was feeling more comfortable being with Jack again. They ate dinner at her small dining table and she made sure to keep the beer flowing. It helped alleviate the awkwardness and allowed them to joke and tease like old times.

  Jack told her about his father’s illness, all the while trying to hide his true feelings about the dire situation. Cassie knew that Jack and his father had had a falling out a few years ago and hadn’t talked since, but now that he was so ill Jack was conflicted.

  “I won’t tell you what to do, Jack. Obviously, you had your reasons for keeping him out of your life these past few years. But he’s still your dad.” Cassie didn’t have to tell Jack that she would give anything to be able to talk to her father again. Her mother had died when she was just a kid and her father had passed a couple of years ago after a sudden heart attack.

  Jack’s forehead wrinkled as he thought about her advice. “It’s not that easy, Cass,” he said carefully. He always got a guarded look in his eyes when he spoke about his father. She knew that Jack hadn’t told her the most important parts of the story.

  “I know. You’re right.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Besides,
who am I to tell people that they need to let go of their pasts?”

  After dinner, Jack helped her clear the table and load the dishwasher. Her kitchen was small and they bumped into each other at least a dozen times before Cassie called it quits. “Will you take a walk with me?” she asked with an exasperated laugh.

  “I’d go anywhere with you,” Jack said, his smile much more relaxed now.

  Part of the reason that Cassie had picked this particular house was because the property had direct lake access. When the weather was nice, she liked to take long walks along the shore. It was much more enjoyable with Jack by her side. As they walked, she looped her arm through his and told him about the beautiful sunrises she caught most mornings.

  “Maybe we’ll have a good one tomorrow,” she said shyly. When she had extended her invite to him, she hadn’t exactly asked him to spend the night. She had been hoping he would just know that she wanted him to stay. Considering that it was getting late and Jack had made no attempt to leave, it seemed that he had understood perfectly.

  “Maybe,” he said quietly. “Cass, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Wait.” She pulled him to a stop and hurried on before she lost the nerve. “I want to tell you why I really left town.”

  Jack tried to stop her. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it. Really.”

  “No, you don’t.” She took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “The real reason that I left had very little to do with what happened to me. I mean, that was part of it, sure. But it wasn’t the big reason. It wasn’t the driving force that pushed me out of town. Sorry, I’m rambling. I always do that when I’m nervous.”

  Jack eyed her carefully. “Why are you nervous?”

  “Because of what I’m about to say.” When she looked him in the eye, she saw that he had no idea what was about to come next. She had always assumed that her feelings for him had been obvious, but Jack looked lost. “I left because of you.”

  He blinked rapidly and took a step back. “I’m sorry?”

  “That came out wrong.” She grabbed his arm. “I left because of the feelings I had for you. I fell for you, Jack.”

  His mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh.”

  “I was so messed up back then and I knew that nothing could ever happen between us, but I couldn’t help my feelings. I was so dependent on you for everything. I couldn’t even leave my apartment without you. You were my whole world, Jack, and that scared the crap out of me. I knew that I had to find a way to take care of myself again even if that meant letting you go.”

  Jack studied her with wide eyes. His cheek twitched and he ran a hand through his hair. She had caught him off-guard and he was carefully weighing his response.

  “I’m sorry. I know this is awkward. I’m not telling you because I expect you to say anything back. I just wanted you to know the truth.” Cassie wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she had been expecting, but his silence was painful. She looked away, wishing that she hadn’t told him the truth. What if she had just ruined their friendship? Her life had been so empty without Jack.

  He finally found words. “Cassie, I really don’t know what to say. I’m not allowed to get involved with the victims I help. In fact, our friendship has been risky on its own.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I said anything. Just forget it.” She tried to walk away, but Jack caught her by the elbow.

  He didn’t say anything for a long time, just held onto her like he was afraid to let go. When she finally turned and let her eyes find his, she could see that he was struggling with his own feelings.

  “Do you remember the day you told me you were leaving?” he asked.

  “Of course.” Cassie remembered that it had been one of the hardest things she had ever done. Jack had looked at her with so much hurt that she nearly changed her mind.

  He nodded slowly. “I remember it, too. That was the second time I thought I lost you and it broke my heart.”

  Now it was Cassie’s turn to be surprised. “Broke your heart?” It had never occurred to her that Jack might have been battling the same feelings.

  “When I first saw your picture after you went missing, it captivated me. There were moments when I couldn’t look away.” Jack’s voice cracked. “Then I found you and got a chance to know you. Even when you were so broken that you could hardly get out of bed, you were still so strong and beautiful. You were easily the most amazing person I had ever met. I tried so hard to deny it, but deep down I knew that I was in love with you.”

  “You never said anything.” Her voice came out in whisper. “I had no idea.”

  Jack smirked. “That was kind of the idea. I did my best to hide it, but I was planning to tell you that day.”

  “Why didn’t you?” Would she still have left if he had told her?

  “You didn’t give me a chance.” Jack shrugged. “Looking back, it just wasn’t the right time for us.”

  “Maybe not,” she agreed. If Jack had confessed his feelings back then, she probably would have left even faster. She hadn’t been emotionally stable enough to handle that. But Cassie thought that now she might be ready. “Is now the right time?”

  “Now?” Jack pretended to think it over before grinning. “I didn’t drive all the way up here for dinner, Cass.”

  Returning his smile felt amazingly familiar. “Good.”

  It would have been easy for them to go slow. Jack would have understood. But Cassie didn’t want to go slow. She was drawn to him like a magnetic charge. When she threw her arms around his neck, Jack jumped. When she pressed her lips over his, it took him a second to respond. But once he caught up, his passion matched her own.

  His lips were soft and inviting, his body solid and warm. As his arms tightened around her and pulled her against him, Cassie melted into his embrace. When he pulled away slightly to look into her eyes, she knew that she was finally home.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Jack

  Cassie was light as a feather in Jack’s arms. Her lithe body pushed against him eagerly and he had to force himself to show restraint. There were plenty of things that he wanted to do with her, but they both knew she wasn’t ready for that. As she trembled in his arms, Jack worried that he had already gone too far.

  “We should go back to the house,” he suggested reluctantly. Once they left that spot, he worried that the moment might pass for good. Jack ran his fingers over the soft skin on her cheek and wanted to touch every inch of her.

  Cassie’s eyes closed and she sucked in a shaky breath. “Let’s go back.”

  Whatever had taken them over by the lake only felt magnified when they were back inside the house. Cassie hesitated at the bedroom door, her eyes darting away quickly. “I want to be with you, Jack, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready,” he said with just a hint of a joke. Truthfully, the thought of finally being with Cassie was more intimidating than his first time almost twenty years earlier. “Besides, I don’t sleep with a girl on the first date.”

  “This is a date?” she said with a small smile.

  “You invited me to your house, cooked me dinner, tried to get me drunk, and kissed me by the lake. I’d say it’s been a darn near perfect date.” He adored the way her cheeks flushed pink as she kept glancing between him and the bedroom. “For me, anyway.”

  “It’s been good for me, too,” she said softly. “Jack, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “That sounds ominous.” He didn’t like the look in her eye. It was the dark look that had haunted her for weeks after the abduction. “I’m guessing I should probably sit for this?”

  She nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  Jack took a seat on the couch, giving her the option of sitting beside him or choosing a chair across from him. After a hesitation, she perched on the edge of the chair. She folded her hands together in her lap and kept her eyes down.

  “A week after I moved here, I started to
get my memories back.” Cassie’s voice trembled.

  For all these months, she had barely remembered anything about her time in captivity. She remembered being taken, grabbed while out for her usual morning run. Then she remembered the cell where she had been kept, and details about the man that took her. Finally, she remembered escaping and waking up in Jack’s arms in the alley. Everything else had been shoved behind a protective barrier in her mind. For that, Jack had been grateful. If it was up to him, she would never get those memories back again.

  But it wasn’t up to him.

  “It started in my sleep. I would see him coming for me. He would do things…” Her head dropped an inch further and her hair fell over her face. “I would wake up and try to convince myself it had just been a nightmare, but that wasn’t true. All of it was real.”

  “How much do you remember?” Jack asked carefully. He had studied the case files of the women that had been murdered. The details in their autopsies had made his blood run cold. If Cassie had endured even a fraction of that and remembered the specifics, it was a miracle she was functioning at all.

  “Not everything. Just pieces.” She lifted her head slowly and there was fear in her eyes. “It’s enough.”

  Jack wanted to reach for her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and convince her that everything was going to be fine. But he couldn’t do that. Nothing he could say would take away what had happened to her. “Tell me.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said.

  “Cass, I can handle it.”

  “You won’t be able to look at me the same,” she said, biting down on her lip. “I don’t want you to be thinking of those things every time you look at me.”

  He sighed deeply. Her concern was understandable. “I’ll never see you as anything other than amazing,” he said confidently. “But if you aren’t ready to tell me about it, that’s okay. I’ll be here whenever you are ready. Whatever you need.”